a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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