Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
