i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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