we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
