My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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