yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
