My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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