I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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