and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
