I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
