i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
