I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
