mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
