you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
