When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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