Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
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