I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
NoShamevember. You game?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
