a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
