come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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