they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
