im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
