I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
