I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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