I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
