dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
