I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
