i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
