Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
