There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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