she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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