Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
