so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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