she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
my poor anus
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
