i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
