it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
