if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
