Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Come on in and take your pants off
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