You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
