Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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