end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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