I didn't shave. On purpose
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
