he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize