My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
