if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
These tits shall not be calmed
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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