Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
