Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
