I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
