The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
