She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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