ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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