Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
