I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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