i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
