I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I need mimosas to revive my soul
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
