New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
