Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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