So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
how drunk are you?
Several
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
