He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
