I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
