420 ftw
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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