Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
pray to the hookup gods
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
