i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
