I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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