i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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