24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
