just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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