I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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