Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
