Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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