i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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