My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
