I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
