he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
